In a bizarre burst of Sir Humphryism, councils up and down the country have introduced huge rule books saying what pole dancers can and cannot do. In many council areas there are actual licence conditions banning a dancer from getting closer than 3 feet from their cutomer. How is this enforced? Is the dancer issued with a tape measure? If the customer is sat down is this measured from his face, hands or knees? If measured from his kneeds his face will be well over 4 feet away.

Other rules prevent dancers from flicking their hair.

Seriously, is this good use of the law?

Armies of public sector workers draft these rules, then write them into every licence, and even run training sessions! Club owners have to teach casual labouring staff – the dancers – every single rule, even if they only turn up once, because breaking the rules just once can lead to closure.

The more complex and lengthy rules are, the higher the risk that people will forget bits and misunderstand others.

Only one rule is required, and that is "No genital contact".

Why is this idea important?

This is the rulebook gone mad, a pointless waste of time that does not achieve its aims, but wastes everyones time and money.

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